i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
