Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
too bad you live with your parents still
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
