Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
