At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
