The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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