They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
