Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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