It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
