Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
