if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
