My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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