I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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