She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
