my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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