I'm eating all of the evidence.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
