the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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