Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
