I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
