I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
