my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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