My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
