If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i love accidental penises.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
