So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
