"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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