Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
