I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
