If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
