Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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