she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
