I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
