The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
