fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
