Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
