I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
