You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
not ubering you a puppy
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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