fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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