thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
