May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
