If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i came on her dog
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
