Define "chronic" masturbator.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
