It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You've changed since you got that strap on
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
