Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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