brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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