I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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