its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
