How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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