What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
