Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
