he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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