With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
